Preparing for success

According to uberfacts, in 2002, a 19-year-old garbage collector won $15 million dollars – He spent it on gambling, drugs and prostitutes. He’s a garbage man again.

Wow! What a tragedy!

This is what happens to a man who is not prepared for success.

Mental preparation is the first and most important step in succeeding. I would have thought that, while working at his job of collecting garbage, he would have fantasized about going on to bigger things, but obviously, he was contented with what he was doing and when the UNEXPECTED happened, he didn’t know what to do with it and thereby, wasted it.

According to Benjamin Disraeli, “the secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes.”

Success loves preparation.  If the perfect opportunity presented itself today, would you be ready?  It’s better to be ready and not have an opportunity, than to have an opportunity and not be ready.

To succeed, you must be ready when opportunity comes.  Spend your time preparing for success, when your opportunity comes, you’ll be glad you did.

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Inner beauty versus outer beauty

While it is believed that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I personally believe that isn’t necessarily so. I think beauty is within ourselves. What others see when they look at us is a projection of what we want them to see.

Inner beauty is the beauty that comes from the inside and is characterized by the following;

Kindness

When we say a person has an aura about him or her that we like, that aura can possibly include kindness. When someone practices kindness, we think that that person is beautiful on the inside (whether or not she or he is beautiful on the outside).

Compassion

Among one of the many characteristics we expect to find in “holy” people, compassion is an act of sympathy and empathy. If and when we are able to put ourselves in others’ shoes, we can say that we are empathetic.

Genuineness

A person who has inner beauty is, undoubtedly, genuine in his or her words and actions. He is true to his word, or she is trustworthy. His actions are motivated by the right reasons. He or she will naturally have what is called “human flaws,” but these flaws are corrected by this person’s ability to know what to do in the right or wrong situation.

Love

And lastly, love is one of the key characteristics that describes a person with inner beauty. Though inner beauty is often defined by each person, and is unique to himself or herself, love permeates all definitions. A person who loves, through and through, is a person with inner beauty. And, love can be related to kindness or compassion and even genuineness.

Whatever your definition of inner beauty, it is clear that inner beauty must be shown through words and actions. And, though we all have our own definitions of inner beauty, we all know and realize that a handful of characteristics are essential to a universal definition of inner beauty.

Outer beauty simply refers to a person’s physical attributes, from how he/she looks facially and bodily to the way they dress, to their smiles etc. Outer beauty refers to a person’s outer shell.

In essence, one is looking beautiful while the other is feeling beautiful. Your skin, your hair, your body shape are all visual elements that contribute to (or detract from) your outer beauty.

When you fill your thoughts with positive energy and inner beauty, you’d appreciate the things that are around you a lot more too. Even when you look at an inanimate object like a painting, or even a view of the ocean, it seems more beautiful to you because you see the beauty that overflows within you reflect in everything else around you.

If you feel beautiful, your own self belief and confidence brings out a glow of beauty that no outer beauty can compete with. But if you feel ugly, your inner beauty will reflect the same idea and project it on your outer beauty. If you truly feel beautiful on the inside, you’d never seem unappealing to anyone else.

Many people think inner beauty is just a phrase used for ugly people to make them feel better about themselves.” People who think that are sorely mistaken.

Not all people who have inner beauty are “ugly.” In fact, many people with inner beauty also have outer beauty. So you can’t just look at someone and know if they have inner beauty, you have to get to know them first.

Ever heard the phrase, “It’s what’s on the inside that counts”? It’s true.
She doesn’t have any inner beauty, the only thing she has is her looks.

What about outer beauty? Can outer beauty, say a beautiful waterfall, a majestic mountain or the brilliant stars in heaven, be enjoyed without inner beauty? I think not. A person can be attracted by outward beauty only to find on closer examination that it is ugly on the inside. A beautiful looking person can be filled with hatred or with love. But how do we know unless we look on the inside? We often judge people when we first meet them by the way they look. It has always been said; you cannot judge a book by its cover. So look inside when you first meet people and look for that inner beauty, in the long run it is far more important than outward beauty.

The Acceptance Prophecy: How You Control Who Likes You

The acceptance prophecy states that when we think other people are going to like us, we behave more warmly towards them and consequently they like us more. When we think other people aren’t going to like us, we behave more coldly and they don’t like us as much.

It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy because if we predict acceptance we get it, if not we don’t. It’s also an intuitively appealing explanation for how people come to like (or dislike) each other. But the question for psychologists is whether it is really true or just a neat fairy story.

The waters are, of course, muddied by all the usual individual and cultural differences—some people care more about other’s acceptance and some people are naturally more accepting—but let’s set those aside for a moment and just imagine two people who are identical except that one expects others to accept her and one expects others to reject her.

What the research has found is that one part of the acceptance prophecy has strong evidence to support it, while the other part does not. Until now.

The first part, in a model put forward by Dr Danu Anthony Stinson at the University of Waterloo and colleagues, is that the interpersonal warmth people project predicts how much others like them (Stinson et al., 2009). For psychologists this is uncontroversial; people take better to others who are genuinely warm with accurate judgements about their warmth made in only 30 seconds (Ambady et al., 2000).

Pleased to meet you

What has proved more controversial is whether anticipating acceptance really does increase the interpersonal warmth that people project towards others. It’s this question that Stinson et al. (2009) set out to test by manipulated people’s expectations about a person they were about to meet for the first time.

They told 14 of 28 men recruited for their study that the attractive woman they were going to meet was nervous and worried about how she would be perceived by them. Quite naturally when these men found that the woman was nervous and insecure it made them feel better in comparison. This had the effect of making the men much less anxious about the interaction (actually about half as nervous as judged by independent observers) and consequently much warmer.

In comparison the other 14 sweaty-palmed participants were only given basic demographic information about the woman they were going to talk to, nothing that would calm their fears of rejection. This manipulation created two groups, then, one that was anticipating acceptance more than the other.

What the results showed was that when the risk of rejection was lower, men acted more warmly towards the woman to whom they were talking. This extra warmth also lead to a panel of observers liking them more in comparison with those who were more fearful of risk and therefore interpersonally colder.

So this provides evidence that the acceptance prophecy holds true. In this experiment people who expected to be accepted did act more warmly towards a stranger and consequently they were perceived as more likeable.

Social optimist or pessimist?

There was an exception, though, to the results of this study. One sub-group were not affected by the experimental manipulation to increase how much they expected to be accepted. That’s because they already expected to be accepted. These are the social optimists (or at least people who think rather a lot of themselves!).

Social optimists, of course, are in the happy position of expecting to be accepted and finding that, generally speaking, they are. Social pessimists, though, face the dark side of what sociologist Robert K. Merton—who coined the expression ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’—has called a ‘reign of error’. Expectation of rejection leads to the projection of colder, more defensive behaviour towards others, and this leads to actual rejection.

Feeling good about yourself and being happy

You might have noticed that some people spread cheer wherever they go. They are amazingly positive and always pleasant. This is because they are happy with what they do and most importantly, what they are. It is only when a person feels satisfied and lives a life of fulfillment, can he feel good about himself. For that, you need to have an invincible self-esteem and take pride in what you are. Humans have a malleable mind; you can whittle it any way you want. If you haven’t really tried doing that before, it is the time you mould your mind in a way to beef up your self-image and feel good about yourself. Steer clear of all negative thoughts or doings. This often has serious implications on the way you think. Frustrated, demoralised people are more prone to depression and other psychological disorders and often develop suicidal tendencies. So, it’s best to evade all negativities and make it a point to feel good about yourself. This article will help you with tips on how to make yourself  happy. Read on. 

How To Feel Good About Yourself 

Always Be Happy
You should always try to keep yourself happy. There may be difficult situations to confront, but realize that those situations are not permanent, difficult times shall pass. Optimism is the only thing that can drive your life forward. You should be aware of your thoughts—never allow any negative thought to dominate your mind and brain. 

Build Self-Esteem
Work on building your self-esteem. Remember, unless you value yourself, no one else would value you. Always make sure that you give your best to everything you do.  Build self-respect and reap good results.

Maintain Healthy Relationship
Maintaining healthy relationship is very important for happiness. Relationships are energy boosters, as they pep you up whenever you feel down in the dumps. It provides immense moral support that helps you overcome every difficult situation. Besides, relationships make you feel loved, cared for, and appreciated which is any day a big booster.

Change is Good
Dare to experiment! Changes are good. They are refreshing and always give you something new to explore. This avoids boredom and creates new relationships and contacts. You can also experiment with your looks and style. You may receive appreciations and comments on your make over and you can definitely enjoy it. People often feel comfortable with their regular activities and thus are stuck inside a shell. Break out of the shell and explore the possibilities around you.

Exercise
You are as beautiful as you feel. It is important that you maintain your body with care. You should eat healthy food and exercise regularly to maintain a healthy body. A healthy body is the abode of healthy mind. It is very important to be active in today’s fast pace world. You need a healthy body to utilize your competence, skills and ideas to the maximum. Weak body always makes you lethargic and takes away the enthusiasm and thus, you lose the excitement to achieve more.

Do Things You Are Good At
Utilize your skills and do things you are good at. This will provide you with confidence. Utilize the free time to develop your talents—dance, music or whatever you are passionate about. Hobbies are excellent stress busters, which absorb the stress in your daily life and make you feel fresh and good. You can also try something innovative like testing your cooking skills. All these make you feel good about what you are.

Take Breaks
In today’s busy world, you may not get enough time to relax. However, it is not good to remain continuously in stress for a long time. Schedule breaks so that it takes you off from the work atmosphere and gives you an opportunity to enjoy life. You can plan some trips if you like travelling or do what you feel like doing.

Spend Time With People You Love
This is an excellent way to make you feel good. Being amongst your loved ones provide you with the feeling of being loved and care for, which is very important in life.  We are social animals and so, we cannot survive alone. Busy work life may take you away from your close ones and gradually you may move on to a mechanical life. This is not good. Do not lead a mechanical life. Always make sure that you don’t lose those good things in life.

No Comparisons
Never compare yourself with others. This one mistake can destroy the happiness and peace in your life. Why should you think about others? You should design your life and live it according to your wish. Different people have different situations around. Success and failure are relative. Do not bother about them and try to be happy about what you have.

Create Your Own Style
You can always create your own style to standout from others. The only thing you should consider is that it should be sensible. If you have a good sense of the current fashion and trends, it won’t be a big task to create your own style. This experiment may help you to create a different impression in others and you will be confident enough to present yourself in a group.

Accept Compliments And Criticisms
Acknowledge your acceptance whenever someone says something good about you. If someone says that your new hairstyle suites you, just say a ‘Thank You’ just to show that you accepted it. There may be situations you face criticism. Try to take it in the right way. Respect the other persons thought and do not feel bad. If someone criticizes you, then sort those criticisms into one of the following three piles (in your mine) – “not valid,”” “not a moral fault but worth putting in correction” and “I’m not going to change that one”, This will help you deal with criticisms effectively.

Laugh
Do not hesitate to laugh. It is the best medicine that can make you feel light and happy within matter of seconds.  Also, try to cheer yourself up whenever you feel low. Listen to comic videos, watch movies, read books or do anything you like.

Feeling good about yourself is very important to develop confidence and self-esteem. It keeps your life lighter and makes you happy and pleasant every time. It relieves your tension and fills you with a positive energy. Follow the tips mentioned above and always feel good about yourself.

The important things in life

A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2 inches in diameter.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “Yes.”

“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter – like your job, your house, your car.

The sand is everything else. The small stuff.”

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued “there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.

Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

What do you really want?

Have you ever noticed an internal conflict in your own thought process about what you want out of life? Sometimes, these can be pretty simple conflicts: some part of you wants ice cream and another part wants to lose weight.
When you ask people what they want, you get varying answers.
For the most part, people tend to list all kinds of things they want. Cars, houses, money, and toys of all sorts frequently come to mind for most individuals. All pretty understandable, really.
If you dig into the what-do-you-want question with a bit more resolve, you might find yourself coming up with some large buckets of life in which you would like to experience greater satisfaction or fulfillment. Typical categories include health, wealth, career, family, relationship, personal or spiritual growth, fun, adventure and the like. As you think about what you want in your life, consider these three questions:
Why do you want those things?
What do you hope will be true if you have the [job, money, house, relationship, etc.]?
What experience are you looking for if you only had the right [car, house, money, etc.]
Most people say they want more money. When asked why they want more money, or what more money would do for them, they usually say something about buying things — the house, car, travel, etc. If that’s true for you, my suggestion is that you think a bit more deeply on what you hope to experience, not just on what you hope to buy: “What positive experience or experiences would you associate with having more money?”
From here, the answers might become more interesting. If you had more money, what would you imagine experiencing? Greater freedom? Security? Peace of mind? Sense of power or success?
If you are after the experience of being secure, free and at peace, is there any amount of money (or house, or car, or perfect relationship) that will produce those experiences? Think on that one for a moment: do you know anyone of little money who seems content? Do you know anyone with tons of cash who never seems at peace, secure or happy? Of course, there are people with money and peace, just as there are people who lack both money and contentment.
The point is that there is no equation here. No amount of money produces security, or peace or fulfillment.
How do you produce what you truly want? The obvious starting point is to clarify what it is that you want in the first place. As has been written many times over, there’s an old cliché that applies every time: if you don’t know where you are going, any road will do.
So, play with this a little. If what you want is freedom, peace of mind, security, a sense of fullness or completion, and you have freedom, peace of mind, security, and a sense of fullness or completion in your life, would it matter how much money you have?
Wait a minute. Is this a trick question?
Well, yes and no. What I have found is that the more I focus on the positive experiences I want out of life, not only do I tend to produce those more frequently, but also the easier it is to produce more of the material “things” in life as well. Strangely, focusing on money hasn’t made anyone more secure or free, yet focusing on producing freedom and security has made it easier to create material success to go along with those inner qualities of success.
So, now what happens when you come to one of those forks in the road?
If your focus on what you want is more on physical possessions, then at least you have some guidance about how to choose: which fork is more likely to lead to the job, house, car, or money? However, if what you truly want is found more in the quality of experience than the quantity of possessions, then you need to make certain that you are thinking about the experiences you seek and not just the possessions you could accumulate.
Have you ever really, really wanted something, focused hard on getting it, wound up getting it and then wondered why you ever wanted it in the first place? If so, my suggestion would be to consider what matters most to you. After all, can you ever get enough of what you don’t really want?
So here we are at the fork again. How should I choose? How about choosing toward the experiences you seek? Which fork is more likely to lead to freedom, security, fun or whatever experiences you truly are seeking?
The choice is yours to make.