Emotional maturity is something some folks never accomplish, no matter how many years they live. Immaturity, self-centered behavior, and the desire for instant gratification are three of the reasons why marriages fail. All of these behaviors combined with the attitude of “if it does not work out, we will just go our separate ways” contribute to a high divorce rate.
What is emotional immaturity? Some people live by the maxim, “I may grow old, but I refuse to grow up.” This may be humorous when seen on a T-shirt, but when people take this attitude into their marriages, they are setting themselves and their relationship up for misery. This does not mean that you have to be serious all the time; far from it. It just means that you cannot allow your emotions to rule you and to affect how you behave toward your spouse.
Being self-centered or selfish is all about the “me first” attitude. “My needs are more important than yours” is the rally cry of the self-centered person. A self-centered person tends to criticize and blame rather than looking at her/his own behavior. A self-centered person sees nothing wrong with manipulating her spouse to get her way. A self-centered person thinks nothing of putting his family in danger by drinking and driving.
What about instant gratification? For some people, if everything is not perfect and to their liking, they tend to resort to complaints about their marriage. They think of their marriage like fast food instead of fine dining. They want a ‘quick fix’. It becomes a disposable commodity instead of something to be treasured and enjoyed if the relationship is not going in the direction they have envisioned.
Like they said, ‘nothing good comes easy’. Marriage inclusive. Our relationships requires maintenance to make it successful. It will require extra work if you are engaging in these damaging behaviors. The good news is that you, too, can create a happier marriage if you are willing to begin with yourself. You have to be willing to put in the time and energy required to help your marriage become a strong one. But it all starts with you. Personal responsibility is the key. As you work on yourself, you are bound to see changes in your relationship. You must learn to look past your spouse’s shortcomings and accept him/her the way he/she is, because your acceptance of him will definitely produce a change in you first of all and ultimately, in him/her.
This is not going to be a ‘piece of cake’, but it is possible. And in an instance where you think this is too much for you, you may seek help from relationship counselors.
Let everything you do be directed towards the success of your marriage.